Today we celebrated Brenham’s 3rd birthday in Heaven.
I’ve thought about him all day today.
I’ve had reminders of him everywhere.
When I took a wrong turn on the road today I turned around in a funeral home driveway. It reminded me of when we went to the funeral home to plan Brenham’s memorial service and burial. I remember talking to the funeral director and picking out flowers. I thought about when we walked into another room and saw the itty bitty caskets displayed for us to choose between. I remember thinking how unfair it was to be picking out his final resting place on a day we had planned to register for baby gifts and pick out bouncy seats and pack and plays, places for him to rest, temporarily.
When we went to buy balloons to release at the cemetery tonight I saw a little plaque that said “Those we hold in our arms for a little while we hold in our hearts forever” and I was reminded of those precious moments we spent holding Brenham in the hospital room knowing he was gone but needing something for my empty arms to hold on to.
I met a hearse on the road on our way home from town and I was reminded of his burial service. We rode from the church to the cemetery in the back of the funeral director’s car with Brenham’s little casket sitting in the middle of us. Robb and I each placed a shovel full of dirt in the hole after his casket was lowered into the ground. I can still hear the sound it made as the dirt hit the casket. It was the middle of Winter but I don’t remember feeling cold, in fact I didn’t feel anything. Totally numb.
I had to call my OB’s office today to inquire about switching birth control pills and I was reminded of when I dialed that same phone number with hands shaking from pain in my boss’ office at work 3 years ago today. I was in the worst pain of my life and the contractions were so strong I could barely breathe let alone talk. I remember my doctor telling me to come right up to labor and delivery and that’s when I knew things were bad.
Today we celebrate those reminders of him and thank God for the promise of eternal life with Him in Heaven, where we’ll all be together again some day!
Happy Birthday Baby.
I’ll see you on the other side