It’s been 11 years and I still so vividly remember laying on the hospital bed, in the far back corner of the labor and delivery floor as far away as I could be from the happy hustle and bustle of babies first cries. There were monitors strapped around my tiny bump of a baby belly. I counted the flowers on the wallpaper border over and over again as a distraction from the pain of contractions. Robb held my hand and we prayed. Within a few minutes my doctor came in, sat down on the wooden rocking chair next to me, and gently placed his hand on my knee. He sighed heavily and said, “you’re going to have this baby today, I’m very sorry.”
It’s not supposed to be this way.
My due date was in July, but the snow outside the hospital room window made it clear that it was still Winter.
That rocking chair was meant for new daddies to sit in and rock their newborns to sleep.
The phrase “you’re going to have this baby today” is meant to end with a few exclamation points, not an “I’m sorry.”
When you go to the hospital with a baby in your belly, you’re supposed to leave with that baby in your arms. But instead he left in the back of the funeral directors car, and I left with a bereavement basket on my lap.
We had plans the next day to register for a pack & play and bouncy seat, not pick out a tiny white casket for our first baby’s final resting place.
It’s not supposed to be this way.
That wasn’t how I pictured my life to be, and your life probably isn’t exactly how you pictured it to be, either.
“Though we can’t predict or control, or demand the outcome of our circumstances, we know with great certainty we will be okay. Better than okay. Better than normal. We will be victorious because Jesus is victorious.”
-LTK {It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way}
“But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”
(1 Corinthians 15:57)
Happy 11th birthday Brenham Jay! So thankful for the victory we have in Jesus and the promise of eternal life.
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