He would have been 7 today. 

Had someone told me 7 years ago where I would be today in my grief journey, I never would have believed it. 

Never. 

I remember thinking "I'll never be the same." And while that is true, I'm not the same, and won't ever be, I mean that in a totally different way than I did 7 years ago. 

 I thought I'd never be able to smile again, "how could I smile when all I do is cry?" I smile everyday. I smile when I pour my coffee that Robb makes for me every morning. I smile when I bring Grayden to kindergarten everyday and he prays for himself to grow big and strong. I smile everyday when Sadler says "Mom, you know something….." at least 10 times an hour. I smile whenever I see Jovie smile at me with her silly toothy grin and squinty eyes whenever she catches me looking at her. I smile at a text from a friend. A herd of deer in the back yard. A Facebook post announcing the birth of a new baby. 

I smile. 

Everyday.

 I thought I'd never be able to laugh again, "how could I laugh when my heart is so sad and broken?" I laugh everyday. I laugh at Robb's made up songs. I laugh when Grayden tells me he had a bad dream about me making him eat green peppers for snack time when everyone else had crackers and cheese. I laugh when Sadler asks me if Jesus is a boy or a girl. I laugh when Jovie makes a growling noise every time she see a picture of a dog. I laugh at a song. A movie. A funny line in a good book. 

I laugh. 

Everyday. 

I thought I'd never be able to be happy again, "how can I be happy when I'm so devastated?" I am happy. I'm happily married to the best husband a girl can ask for. I spend my days with my 3 happy, healthy children. I'm happy being with my family. Being with my friends. I'm happy being the woman God created me to be. 

I am happy. 

I still struggle, and sometimes I still cry. I'll cry because I'm sad and because I miss him. And because I still wonder 'why?' But I also cry because I'm thankful and blessed. And because I know God is faithful. 

 "Weeping may last through the night but joy comes in the morning" Psalm 30:5