Monday, February 28, 2011

He would have been 3 today

Today we celebrated Brenham’s 3rd birthday in Heaven.

I’ve thought about him all day today.

I’ve had reminders of him everywhere.

When I took a wrong turn on the road today I turned around in a funeral home driveway. It reminded me of when we went to the funeral home to plan Brenham’s memorial service and burial. I remember talking to the funeral director and picking out flowers. I thought about when we walked into another room and saw the itty bitty caskets displayed for us to choose between. I remember thinking how unfair it was to be picking out his final resting place on a day we had planned to register for baby gifts and pick out bouncy seats and pack and plays, places for him to rest, temporarily.

When we went to buy balloons to release at the cemetery tonight I saw a little plaque that said “Those we hold in our arms for a little while we hold in our hearts forever” and I was reminded of those precious moments we spent holding Brenham in the hospital room knowing he was gone but needing something for my empty arms to hold on to.

I met a hearse on the road on our way home from town and I was reminded of his burial service. We rode from the church to the cemetery in the back of the funeral director’s car with Brenham’s little casket sitting in the middle of us. Robb and I each placed a shovel full of dirt in the hole after his casket was lowered into the ground. I can still hear the sound it made as the dirt hit the casket. It was the middle of Winter but I don’t remember feeling cold, in fact I didn’t feel anything. Totally numb.

I had to call my OB’s office today to inquire about switching birth control pills and I was reminded of when I dialed that same phone number with hands shaking from pain in my boss’ office at work 3 years ago today. I was in the worst pain of my life and the contractions were so strong I could barely breathe let alone talk. I remember my doctor telling me to come right up to labor and delivery and that’s when I knew things were bad.

Today we celebrate those reminders of him and thank God for the promise of eternal life with Him in Heaven, where we’ll all be together again some day!

Happy Birthday Baby.

I’ll see you on the other side

22 comments:

jenni said...

Oh Katie, this made me cry. Happy Birthday Brenham! You've touched more lives than you can possibly imagine, sweet boy. <3

Simply Amy said...

Happy Birthday Brenham! I am praying for you guys!!! Much love, and God Bless!!!

Missy Schranz said...

Happy birthday, Brenham! May we all meet you in Heaven!!!

The Gimlins said...

Happy birthday, Brenham! Thinking of your family today.

Holly said...

Happy Birthday sweet Brenham ♥ Thinking of you guys today

Ashley said...

Happy Birthday Brenham! Praying for you today!!!

Patrice said...

Thinking and praying for you today! Happy Birthday Brenham!

MiniMe Mom said...

Happy Birthday. What a beautiful post. Thank God we have the assurance we will meet again!

-Lauren said...

Happy Birthday Brenham. You are in my thoughts and prayers. You are such a great mom and an amazingly strong woman!

TanaLee Davis said...

Thank you Katie,
for sharing such bittersweet memories. You are so strong and have given me a fine example of what a women of faith and hope looks like.
~Felicia

Jeannie said...

Happy Birthday Brenham!! Thinking of you today...

((hugs))

Haffner's World said...

Happy Birthday sweet boy!!! Praying for your mommy, daddy, and brother as they are missing you today!

Mrs. B said...

Happy Birthday Brenham.
One day you will have him in your arms again...and will never need a reminder.

Much love

kbloems27 said...

Happy Birthday Brenhan!
Thinking and praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Brenham! Thinking of you and your family's today!

Devin said...

I don't care what anyone says--the pain is still very real, even years later. My little one would have been turning 3 in June. It's so hard to think about--even with as wonderful as my life is now, and knowing that God's plan is always perfect, there is still that 'hole' that will always be.

Hugs to you, today, my friend. You're right--we'll see them on the other side.

Mae said...

Happy Birthday little boy! I have been thinking of you and your family these past few days.

(Miss) Sharon said...

Happy Birthday to your sweet baby boy. My husband and I are praying for you and your family. Your faith is inspiring.
Grayden is blessed to have such wonderful parents.

Jaime said...

I just want to say I follow your blog and read it as often as you update it. I found a link to it a long time ago through other people I know. You inspire me (and many other people I'm sure) in ways I don't think you even know. I commend you for moving on and becoming what I can see is an amazing mother to Grayden. I hope one day you are blessed with more children, you and your husband deserve them and they will be lucky little children to have you as parents. Happy birthday to your little boy in Heaven.

DianeTaylor said...

Hi Katie - oh my I missed this post and feel so bad :(:( You and Rob have such a sweet angel in heaven who will be there waiting for you when you arrive down the road :) You are both so strong - I hope only good things will come your way, esp with Grayden, he is such a charmer!
hugs to you both

~dt~

Anonymous said...

I remember your post on BOTB - Had my baby at 22 weeks ): and I thought oh, no, she was my Christmas Card exchange buddy. I started following your blog and admiring your strength. Your strength helped me so much when I suffered the same fate 10 weeks later. Happy Birthday Brenham!

~BeachBride72106

Wendy said...

Sorry this comment is a little late. I'm sorry it was such a hard day with so many reminders of the pain your felt that day.

Happy Birthday to your little Brenham, though. Hope you are doing okay, Katie.

Thinking of you.
Wendy