Early in my pregnancy I set out to find the perfect baby book where I could journal and document all the special moments in my pregnancy, upcoming birth and childhood of our firstborn. I went to every local book store and baby shop and searched tons of online sites and eventually found a cute gender neutral, polka dotted book and I got right to work on it. I couldn't wait to fill it out every blank.
For the next couple months I wrote about mommy and daddy and filled out a section about that years current events. I put ultrasound pictures on the page that said "Before you were born; first pictures of baby" and wrote down the names we were considering, the foods I was craving and the date that I first felt movement. I journaled about how we told our families and friends the news and about my different doctor's appointments. After Brenham was born I filled in his name, birth date, weight and length. The doctor that delivered him and the nurses that took care of him.
And that's where it stopped.
I couldn't fill in any more blanks. Nothing about the hospital visitors or gifts. Nothing about baby's pediatrician visits or vaccination schedules. No first bath or coming home pictures to tape in. There are lots of empty spaces.
After Grayden joined our family I bought a similar book and went to work filling in some of the pages in his baby book. The exact pages I hadn't been able to fill out in Brenham's book were the only ones I could fill out in Grayden's.
For the next couple months I wrote about mommy and daddy and filled out a section about that years current events. I put ultrasound pictures on the page that said "Before you were born; first pictures of baby" and wrote down the names we were considering, the foods I was craving and the date that I first felt movement. I journaled about how we told our families and friends the news and about my different doctor's appointments. After Brenham was born I filled in his name, birth date, weight and length. The doctor that delivered him and the nurses that took care of him.
And that's where it stopped.
I couldn't fill in any more blanks. Nothing about the hospital visitors or gifts. Nothing about baby's pediatrician visits or vaccination schedules. No first bath or coming home pictures to tape in. There are lots of empty spaces.
After Grayden joined our family I bought a similar book and went to work filling in some of the pages in his baby book. The exact pages I hadn't been able to fill out in Brenham's book were the only ones I could fill out in Grayden's.
I feel really blessed because of that.
I am so thankful I was able to experience 21 weeks of pregnancy, morning sickness, cravings, labor pains and know what its like to give birth.
Likewise, I am so thankful to be able to mother and nurture a child outside of the womb, to cuddle and snuggle my little boy and tuck him in at night. To take him to his pediatrician appointments and teach him to walk and talk. To write about his first bath, first haircut and first tooth.
Both of my boys have been a dream come true and an answer to prayer in their own special ways!
"Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise....You give and take away. You give and take away. My heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be Your name"
~Blessed Be Your Name, Matt Redman
Both of my boys have been a dream come true and an answer to prayer in their own special ways!
"Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise....You give and take away. You give and take away. My heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be Your name"
~Blessed Be Your Name, Matt Redman
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27 Responses to “ filling in the blanks. ”
Aw! That was from the heart. So beautiful. Sadness and happiness all twisted together. Are you so glad that you kept a book for Brenham? I never did for my babes before they were born and my memory is fuzzy.
You my dear have what I like to call the sunshine factor. No matter what happens you are able to find the sunshine and let others see it too!
Thanks for the post!
Simply Bittersweet
What an awesome way to look at it. It may sound silly, but as a fellow adoptive mom, I hadn't thought of it that way. :)
Thanks for sharing. Life is never the way we planned...but how God planned! From just this post...I know you are a beautiful momma!
Are you as type A about the baby book as I am? I fill that sucker in the day it happens! :) haha! It's kind of an OCD sickness! :)
I know what you mean here. I bought a baby book to fill in for our firstborn Dylan, and now it's in a box somewhere . . . blank. I never got around to filling it in at all, and I never even bought one for our daughter Faith.
I'm not sure what that shows more, your strength or my weakness.
You're truly an inspiration. -Kat
Thanks for sharing, this was truly touching. God bless.
Your post brought tears of both sadness and joy to my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing!
I found your blog via Tami's (she's my cousin) and I can relate to you on some very personal levels.
I got "The Bump" book as soon as I found out I was pregnant after trying for more than two years. I went to town filling it out. It now sits in a box and I haven't looked at it since the day before I miscarried. Maybe someday I'll pull it out again.
We just started the adoption process though and I can't tell you how at peace I finally feel. It's been almost three years since I've felt so happy.
Thanks for your blog!
Amen Katie... Amen.
Love this post! I'm happy that both of your boys were able to bless you & your family in their own special ways!
Their baby books are so cute? Have you ever thought of getting a memory book for Brenham? They are really nice!
You are such an inspiration!!
What a wonderful post..full of sadness and happiness, at the same time, forming you into the beautiful person you are!!
Bittersweet. I don't know how possible it is, but I hope that one day you are able to fill out a baby book from beginning to end. *hugs*
What a lovely, heartfelt post. I wish I had done a pregnancy book with our angel...I had 27 weeks with her, and I wish I had recorded it all since I will never be pregnant again.
Someday I'll get to fill out a book because of adoption also. Thank you for reminding me that there is hope!
What a precious post!
This is really beautiful. Really really beautiful.
that is really precious! I'm sure it's bittersweet in some ways, but yet amazing in others! I need to go and get our baby book and get started !:)
Wow, I just got chills reading this! God's purpose for our lives is just so different then we can ever imagine, and so wonderful! What an amazing revelation in those precious baby books!
Wow, the missing spaces completed by brothers! That is so beautiful it makes me cry. :)
I am right along side you friend! I just started filling out more of Bear's book and was thinking almost the same things.
Isn't it amazing to see the Hand of God at work in the lives who call upon Him in even the darkest hours!
That was beautiful Katie! Such a wonderful post and you seem like a really great Mom!
Hi Katie!
Reading your post made me smile and alittle sad too. I had a baby girl at 20wks and also could not get very far writing in the baby book but what we did achieve will always be special.
Love to you and your family.
angels's Mummy
Hi Kate,
I found an adoption baby book at Barns and Noble. It looks just like a regular baby book, but has special printed pages for adoption steps instead of pregnancy. (Like pages for Why we decided to adopt, places to put pictues of people who helped us along the process, what the day was like when we found out about you etc.) I just LOVE it.
you are a wonderful mother. may God bless you and your family
How precious the connection. God works in majestic ways.
FYI--You may not know me, or that I lurk your blog more than I comment. :) I just wanted to let you know that I nominated you for a blog award. CHeck out my blog to find it!
Blessed be the name of the LORD!
Wow, that is a really interesting perspective to have!
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