Grayden is sound asleep in his crib right now, exhausted from a fun day at the park with his friends, (although he spent more time eating under the canopy to escape from the rain than actually playing!) and I sit here in our overstuffed chair and marvel at the way God has blessed our family by bringing him into our family. My heart is so full of love for this little boy.
My thoughts then start to drift to Grayden's birth parents and the difficult sacrifice they made for him. I wonder how they're doing today, we don't hear from his birthmom as often anymore. I remember back to a year ago when we had daily contact with her I had this idea to read through some of those old emails from her.
I started with this one dated 6/11/09, a year ago today where she is talking about her search for adoptive parents for her son:
"I had probably 12-15 in depth profiles to look through and even after looking through and reading all of them, you were the only one that I could absolutely say yes to. There were others that I said a very hesitant maybe, but..... you two were the only ones I definitely said yes about. No one even came close. So even from the beginning of the looking, God directed me to you two. I love how I can see God's hand in it from the very beginning and even now....that will be awesome to continue to see how he will continue to work with each day... I know He is constantly working.... He definitely had a plan for this little one.... It is very evident to me....with all of the things that have happened that only God could orchestrate.... Very awesome..... something I thank God for every day.... that He knew better than I."
And in reply I wrote back:
This email alone was orchestrated by God, you have no idea how good it is to read this, I needed to hear this today and God knew that.
We love this little boy so so much I can't even begin to put into words. We think he is perfect for our family and we always give God the praise for that. It has been so amazing to watch God's plan for our lives unfold. His plan has been perfect all along and I am embarrassed to say that at times in the past it was hard to understand that, but now looking back God has had his hand in this process since the beginning of time...it is just so amazing and humbling to sit back and think about all that every chance we get.
We love our life with Grayden in it and give God the glory for that. We also thank Him for you and ***** just as often and for the huge responsibility we have been given from you and God to be his parents. He is perfect for our family, an answer to our prayers as well. I just even think of the the timing of everything too. A few weeks before our case worker called us about you and ***** she had called to tell us that an expectant birthmother was considering us but ended up going with another couple; at the time we were pretty sad about that but thinking back now I am so glad she did chose someone else. A few weeks later we meet you and were chosen to be placed with your child instead. All in God's perfect plan. I can't imagine life without him, he was the baby God had meant for us.
God does have big plans for him. We tell him how special and desired he is and with tears in our eyes thank God for him. He is so loved. I can't wait until he is old enough to truly understand that someday, we tell him already but what will really be great is when he can understand all what that means to him.
I know I tell you this a lot, but a lot will never be enough....thank you so much for entrusting us with this gift and for giving us the most awesome responsibility there is...to be parents again. We love parenthood more than we ever even imagined. We continue to pray for you and *****.
~Love from all of us! "
(raise your hand if you're crying!)
Its hard to put into words our feeling about adoption. Its something we feel so blessed by. Lots of people have babies, but so few have experienced the joys of adoption. We feel so lucky to have been able to journey through this process. I love when people email me asking about adoption, I love the way my heart leaps for them just thinking about the journey they are about to embark on. My fingers can't type fast enough to tell them all about it! There is nothing like it. It brings two families together in an unnatural way, a way that only God can.
Sometimes that can be very hard.
I'd be lying if I said adoption was always a walk in the park for us, its not. I'll always struggle with certain things. I worry about Grayden as he grows, I hope he always knows how loved he is and understands what adoption means for all of us. I worry that kids will say mean things to him about being adopted. I'm nervous just to publish this post for fear of adoption nay-sayers leaving awful comments like they have in the past. I grieve the fact that I missed out on his first days of life. I worry about his birth parents, I hope they feel peace about their decision. I hope they think we are doing a good job of raising him.
In the end I wouldn't change a thing about the way God chose to grow our family.
I pray God will bless our family through adoption again someday, in His own perfect timing. I've said it so many times before. He has the best plan for our lives, I'm lovin' this life!
~Prov 3:5: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
*fashion friday will be back next week, I've been wanting to write these things for a long time now and after reading that email from last year, today seemed like the perfect time!
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