Last night we ventured out to Teusink’s Pony Farm.

They had so much to do there!
We started off visiting the sheep and goats but Grayden wasn’t so sure about them! He held on to Daddy pretty firmly!

Then it was time for a pony ride!

This is Blaze!

We also went for a horse drawn buggy ride and a hay ride with bunnies!

Then Robb took Grayden for one last pony ride on Derby before we left the farm.

we had a great time, it was such a nice night!

if you live in West Michigan or will be planning a visit be sure to check out my giveaway blog for a chance to win a gift certificate to bring your own family to Teusink’s farm!

A lot of you asked various questions about future children, adoption and pregnancy so I'm just going to sum it all up into one post.

First of all I'll start by saying that yes, we would like more children, Lord willing. How many? Well, I would love a big family but given the circumstances we'll probably stick to 2 hopefully 3 children. It's hard to say, Grayden is seriously in close competition for the best baby ever so its easy to think about having more kids if they would be as easy as him but chances are our future children will give us a little more trouble, or Grayden could easily change his demeanor as he grows so I may change my mind with time!

Now, this might be the confusing part. Physically it would be possible for me to get pregnant if we didn't use contraceptives to avoid it. Its just really dangerous (to the baby, to Paco and to me) due to the medications I currently take as well as the complications with my past pregnancy. Its like 2 strikes against me. Although chances are the reason my pregnancy with Brenham ended the way it did was due to my kidney issues there's no way of knowing for sure. So it would all just be really risky right now.

We do hope to adopt again someday, we're praying and waiting for God's perfect timing for us. I'll be sure to keep you posted! Right now we are loving this stage with Grayden as our only (Earthly) child. If we adopt again domestically we would definitely use Bethany Christian Services again to facilitate the adoption, no question. If we ever choose to look into International adoption I would start the research process over again and I really have no idea where we would end up agency wise. Honeydew1894 asked what I did to keep busy during the dreaded wait. Prayed! As you know adoption is so completely out of our hands so the only thing we could do to feel like we had any control over the matter was pray! We also used that time to really try to stay busy. We planned a weekend getaway, date nights and completely submerged ourselves in holiday activities (cuz its much harder to do all the stuff with a little one)! Your time will come and once you have your baby in your arms all that time waiting will be nothing in comparison to the time you have ahead of you with your precious child.

He makes all things beautiful in His time!

I'm finally getting around to answering a chuck of the questions you guys asked me a couple weeks ago. Thanks so much for playing along!

*Jami and Amy said they would love to know my answers to the questions I asked you, so here we go!
1. what was the first thing on your mind today when you woke up? I was dreading going to the gyno for my yearly exam, ugh.
2. when was the last time you cried? an hour ago, at my appointment. I always get emotional in that office, lots of memories. Ugh, I hate crying in public, I feel so dumb now.
3. what do you do for a living? I'm a stay at home mom by day (K. wondered if I will continue to stay at home with Grayden. I hope to continue to stay at home at least until he is in school) and a hairstylist by night (Megon wondered how long I've been doing hair. I started cosmetology school in July of 04 and haven't stopped since, so its been 6 years now!)
4. do you have a blog? tell me a little about it. yes I do! I first started it as a way to journal my feelings after we lost our son and then it turned into so much more!
5. what is/are your favorite blog/s to read (i'm always looking for new ones to add to my list!)
I read a lot of the same blogs you guys do, but my favorite ones are the ones I get most excited about when I see an update! A few of those would be Bring the Rain, I love the way she writes and its always about something I can relate too! Enjoying the Small Things, oh.my.gracious those pictures! And she's an amazing writer as well, makes you feel like you're right there with her. Heart Cries, I know Rebekah and I would be in real life BFF's if we lived closer! I love the way she gives meaning to adoption with her writing.
6. what's one personal product you couldn't do without? (mine is mascara!) Ok, so I said mascara without really thinking about it literally. Technically speaking it would have to be my meds!
7. what's your favorite cereal? raisin bran crunch!
8. if you could go anywhere in the world right now where would you go? hmm, I would love to go somewhere really tropical, like where Ali from the Bachelorette took the guys last week, Tahiti I think it was.
9. what's your biggest fear? oh man, I never should have asked this question! I get so freaked out just by thinking about it. Something happening to Grayden or future children, cancer, my kidney failing, etc are all really scary to me. But mostly I'd have to say losing my husband. I totally agree with B's Mom on this one. I know it might surprise you that I didn't say losing another child as my biggest fear but I think its because I know I can get through that, its awful and heartbreaking just to think about but, I know God's grace got me through that and He would get me through it again if that was His will. I can't imagine losing the man who's been with me through it all. I just couldn't go on.

*shellycoulter said...I like the name Grayden. Did you choose it for a certain reason/meaning or because you just really love it? It's great name for such a cute little guy!
Thank you! We actually had the name Grayden picked out when we were pregnant with Brenham and so when we found out we were getting another little boy we went back to that after a long deliberation. He actually was going to be named something different up until a week before he was born when we finally settled on Grayden! I can't imagine his name anything different, it suits him really well!

*Joy said...How do you stay in shape and keep your weight low?
Oh well thank you Joy but you should know that I'm actually 10 pounds heavier right now than I was when I was 20 weeks pregnant! (granted I had only gained 5 lbs during pregnancy but still! ;) Believe it or not I have issues with my weight, I had lost 30pounds while I was sick and when I got healthy again and put on steroids and other meds with side effects of weight gain I had gained it all back plus some! I had to get all new pants and it was really hard to get used to the way I looked again. I try to make healthy choices with food, but I'm terrible at exercising. I was doing some walking this Spring but then it got too hot out and I'm just full of excuses now aren't I?! Does chasing a busy 14 month old count for anything?! :) Its a work in progress, but thank so much for your compliment!

more answers to come!

Do you ever feel sorry for yourself? I do. Its so easy sometimes to sit and compare my circumstances to others. Having a family is more difficult for us. We pay thousands of dollars a year for medical bills, prescriptions and doctor’s visits. I could go on and on.

But I won’t.

I don’t want to dwell on that stuff. It’s something I struggle with and I’m constantly trying to work on it.

I always want to be thankful for the many things God has blessed us with. I want to stop the comparing. We have so much to be thankful for. We have a family, we have our health, we have a house, we have clothes to wear, we have jobs. We have so, so much.

There are many people who have experienced much greater pain and trials than I could ever imagine. That is so true, I read about it and hear about it everyday. How can I be bitter when people I know and love are hurting so much deeper?

It can be so hard to see God’s plan for us. We have so many questions. I pray for contentment and reminders of His goodness to us. I pray for those who are struggling in life and I praise God for those who aren’t. God is so good!

I'm choosing to count my blessings!

click here for episode 1 (March 2010)

playing in the water with Aunt Lisa!

Fishing with Daddy!

My friend Angie came over one day and we spent the afternoon lounging on the raft and driving the sea-doos

personal pizza’s on the grill, SO good.

Grayden ate an entire pizza himself!!

Grandma feeding Grayden grapes!

I LOVE this picture of Grayden, its so him! A big smile and a cell phone in each hand!

Playing with the beach ball with Aunt Mindy!

Mmm, Dad grilling Kebab’s

riding on the old tractor at Crane’s

Silly boys!

he fell asleep like this on our stroller walk!

Cute little Leah (one of the kids my sister nannies) wearing my hat!

We had a great week and made lots of fun memories!

After spending the whole past week with my family at my parents cottage we switched gears for the weekend and we got together with Robb's family to celebrate Grandma B's 85th Birthday!

We had a pool/pizza party at his parent's house on Friday night and Saturday we headed out to his Aunt and Uncle's cottage for the day.


he fell asleep on the pontoon ride just like he did when he was a baby. so cute!

Happy Birthday Grandma!

Saturday evening/Sunday morning I was sick as a dog with some sort of stomach bug. I'll spare you most of the details but at one point I was so weak I couldn't walk to the bathroom so I puked in a bowl and fell asleep mid hurl and dropped the bowl onto the bedroom floor, needless to say I spent the rest of the night sleeping on the bathroom floor. Thankfully I am much better today and I lost all the weight I had gained from a week of vacation at the cottage!

My husband took SUCH good care of me, he set up Grayden's baby monitor in our room so he could keep an eye on me, he got me cool wash clothes to wipe my face, and glasses of water (with a straw!), he drew me a bath (and shaved my legs, which I didn't ask him to do, he liked it, lol), set up camp for me in the bathroom, rinsed out the puke bowl and cleaned the toilet multiple times. Puke makes the heart grow fonder, I love you babe I couldn't have done what you did!

Pictures of our week at the cottage to come as well as my answers to your questions! Thanks so much for playing along! It was so fun reading your answers!