*(thanks for this idea Nicole, its cheap therapy.)*
You know you're a grieving mother when...
~you go to carters and pick out an outfit that your son would have worn for his first birthday party and for a moment actually consider buying it because he just would have looked so handsome in it.
~when you call the bakery back after you get home from ordering your dead son's birthday cake to change your cake order from white cake to chocolate cake just so you can picture him getting filthy while he self-fed himself, sportin' only a diaper, sitting in his highchair and cry after you hang up with the baker.
~when your mind is so lost in the pain that you run your cell phone thru the washing machine, mis-place your wallet, mis-place an important document, forget to wear your coat to lunch (in the 20 degree weather) with a friend and cut a slice out of the cake she brought for your son before you remembered to take a picture of it, and they all make you want to burst into tears
~when your husband turns the light off while you are in the shower, your heart instantly skips a beat and your first thought isn't "oh robb turned the light off" but rather "this is IT!! Jesus has come back for us" (not sure why, but that was my reaction) and then in that same second your heart sinks to realize that nope, robb just turned the light off. But that is how bad you want to see your son again and be with Jesus for all eternity.
~when one day this week your lunch consisted of a cookie, brownie, milky way bar and glass of milk and when your husband does the same thing another day only has an orange soda instead of the milk and you scold him for having WAY to much sugar.
~Whenever you randomly glance at the clock at 5:15 pm you stand still until it reads 5:18 pm and wonder what was going through your son's mind when he slipped away during those 3 minutes.
~When never have so many tears fallen onto the keyboard as you read all of the 68 and counting sweet comments written by mostly strangers to remember your son on what would have been his first birthday.
~When a bunch of strangers in blog land can become your best friends when they pray and encourage you through your life's darkest moments and at the end of the day you feel so very blessed for life's tiny treasures.
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We made a couple trips to the Panera Bread so the girls could all use the internet for little while.
At night, of course, we watched the Super Bowl with my family, we'll actually the girls ended up working out on their Wii Fit while the guys watched the game.
