I still haven't come up with a good way to break the news to you all yet, so I guess i am just gonna say it..
My appointment on wednesday started out with some blood draws, 11 to be exact, and an EKG or electrocardiogram, which measures the rhythm of the heart and checks for abnormalities.
Then we met with one of the surgeons and he explained the actual surgery and what that entails.
After that we sat down in an office with Jill, our transplant coordinator, and she broke us the news. And broke my heart into a million pieces. Every thing after that is a blur.
The team of doctors decided that i can not have transplant until at least a years after my body went crazy, so at the earliest that would be the end of february. And that would be assuming that i can have a live donor. They want to make sure my body has enough time to deal with the changes before putting a new kidney in and making it go even more crazy. A good idea i guess, if i get a transplant i want it to last a long time, but none the less...not what i wanted to hear.
I still don't know about the antibody percentage so things have the potential of going even worse.
And worst of all, they changed their minds about us having our own children...they don't want us to anymore. At first they told us as long as everything is going well a year post transplant we would get the go ahead. For some reason they changed their minds. I am still waiting for a good reason as to why.
As I am sure most of you know by now, having children is my biggest dream in life and that dream is now shattered. We are devastated. After Brenham died the one thing that got me through was the hope of having more children one day and now i dont even have that. I feel like i am losing him all over again.
I sat in that room and cried and cried.
and i still cry and cry and cry.