I often look at the pictures we have up in our house of the two of us on our wedding day, on a vacation, or celebrating a birthday and have a strong urge to rip them off the walls stuff them in a drawer and never look at them again. Or better yet, shatter the picture frame glass and burn the happy photo to ashes.
The people in those pictures aren't us anymore, we aren't that happy or care-free like we once were.
The daily reminders of that is sometimes just to much. They are reminders of the way life used to be.
Happiness is something i dont have and it hurts to see happy people. People smiling, laughing, enjoying life. How can they be having so much fun while my heart is broken and i am having to deal with so much pain and sadness. Don't they know that i am dying inside?
My life, my mind, heart, soul and body is full of scars. Emotional and physical. Life will never be the same. And the scars remind me of that daily.
I want to be the same 'ole happy Katie who loved life, lived life without a care in the world and loved to have fun. But thats just not me anymore. And i just don't see how it ever will be again.
I feel like I have all this extra baggage that i and everyone around me has to deal with, thankfully i already have a great husband and i have lots of great friends b/c i don't think i have anything good to offer anyone else anymore. Just a life of sadness and hurt.
Because of this i am not a good wife, sister, daughter, or friend anymore.
I liked to be the one to comfort, and support my friends and family and now i am the one that needs all the comfort. What kind of a friend is that?
I am not the same as i once was.