Sleepless Night

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

It's 3:00 am and i haven't yet been able to sleep.
My mind is racing just like it always does at night.
My thoughts keep turning to "why?"
If anybody is reading this at this time of the night..er, morning, please send some prayers.

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20 Comments »

20 Responses to “Sleepless Night”

Anonymous said...

Katie-
I am always thinking about you and praying for you at night while I work. Don't worry, I have the night shift covered!
-Lydia

Anonymous said...

Katie thinking of you....
May God (our God of wonder, power and glory) give you peace (in your heart and soul)and rest (for your body and your husband) and strength (to face each moment and give HIM control). God bless Katie in her hours of need. Hold her tight...Amen

Anonymous said...

Hope you got some sleep. Just remember, alot of people are praying for you.

Anonymous said...

You are stronger than you can imagine, braver than you know, and cared about so much more than words could ever tell. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers Katie.

Justine said...

I'm sorry I wasn't on last night, but I wanted you to know that I think about you at different times during different days and I pray for you at those times. I know God puts you in my heart/mind at those specific times. You're thought of often and by many difference people!!

Anonymous said...

Katie-
You are not alone in wondering "Why?" It is something you will never find an answer to, but part of letting go of ourselves and trusting God with everything. After the death of my husband, and later the death of my son, I too wondered "Why?"

I have come to the understanding that if we knew the answer to all the "Why's" in life, we would have the knowledge of God, thus we would be equal to God. I know that isn't going to happen! There are many mysteries in life we will not know the answers to until we meet Him face to face. Don't ever think it is because of something you did, or God choose you for this. The real question is "Why not me?" Why should I be protected from "that which is common to man?" Sickness, disease and the death it causes is something we live with in this broken world.

I am in wonderful grief group, I hope you will consider joining us this fall, it is a great stepping stone as you walk through the valley. I will get in touch with you later this summer with the details.

With empathy,

Cara said...

Hi Katie,
I have been following your blog since the end of april. I have no idea what you are going through nor can I even imagine lossing one of my precious boys. Please know that I think about you and Robb enough and my heart aches every time I read your blog. I am praying for peace and healing both emotionally and physically. God is always with you and has wonderful plans for you and Robb in the future, even through it doesn't feel like it right now.

Dawn said...

Katie this is my first time to your blog. I am praying for you. Here is a poem that I wrote about 15 years ago, but reading your blog made me think of it so I wanted to share:

Here alone
empty hands
In the dark
silence stands

Frozen corners
Far beyond
Restless shadows
carry on

Recalling thoughts
of happy day
setting time
they waste away

blinding eyes
bleeding tears
loving lasts
through the years

broken soul
my bodies weak
my voice is gone
I can not speak

Dawn Styf

Mary Katherine said...

You don't know me but I found your blog a while back. I am praying everyday for you! I have a feeling you have a very large group of people that are praying for you! I just pray everyday that God will give you a peace about everything. Remember he has his arm around your shoulders at all times and during the expecially rough times he is carrying you!

Mary Katherine

orangestar17 said...

Of course I will be thinking of you and praying for you. Sleep well tonight.

The Loucks Family said...

Katie - you don't know me. I used to be on The Nest a lot - screen names "Kami" and "Bunches of Oats". I heard about your story and blog from the Grand Rapids Baby Board and I read you're whole blog - in tears. You are a remarkable and strong woman of God. Your faith is so strong and your love for you baby boy is so evident. I admire so much your strength, courage and faith. You are such an inspiration. I am so sorry for the struggles and pain you have endured and pray that God continues you give you peace and bathe you in His love and comfort.

Kami

Anonymous said...

Katie,
Wow...I'm kinda speechless. I've been sitting here for quite some time now reading your blogs from the very begining until the present. Tears having been flowing the past couple hours, my heart aches for you and Rob. I am amazed at your strength to go through all this (YES, you are strong!) I just wanted to let you know that you have been on my mind the past few months and I will continue to pray for you. May God bless you and grant you peace!

Charlene

Anonymous said...

Hope you slept better last night, than the night before, and that dialysis went okay for you this morning. Hope to see you in Holland tonight at The Big Give.

organicsyes said...

Sending prayers your way...when things seem the darkest, there is always light.

Susan
(reading your blog, heard about you throught the Big Give grapevine)

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog on and off for a while, and you're absolutely amazing to me. I don't know if I would have the strength to go through what you're going through.

I think that you need to stop asking yourself "why". Sometimes we're just not supposed to know. God works in mysterious ways and we don't always understand or agree with his ways. Sometimes just accepting what happened is the only way to understand it.

But as I've been reading your blog, I've started to think of little Brenham as your guardian angel. You say your disease was undiscovered prior to your pregnancy. Perhaps God sent you Brenham to tell the doctors about it. If you had lost your pregnancy earlier, they may have attributed it to other things. What an awesome (but amazingly painful) gift to have from God. And how many babies can say they saved their mommy's life?

Hang in there, and know that thousands of people you've never even met are pulling for you.

Anonymous said...

thinking of you, letting you know that you are in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Katie,
You don't know me, my niece from Holland sent me your blog earlier today. I live in Portland, OR, born and raised in Holland. Our family has had many deaths and trials over the past 3 years...it is sooo hard. You are an amazing person. I will pray for you often

Anonymous said...

Sending you prayers... Even in the dark :)

AHUMC said...

Katie-
remeber that valley is a SHADOW...and the light of Christ is on the other side-
praying for you from Texas-

God Bless-
Debbi Chesney

Anonymous said...

Katie & Robb,
While reading a footnote in my Bible from Barbara Johnson I thought of you. She said "Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever." "We may never make sense out of the mystery of suffering, but we can participate actively in the healing process and entrust ourselves to the supreme source of love and wisdom." The 23rd Psalm in The Answer translation is great! "The Lord is my shepherd; I have everything I need. He lets me rest in green pastures. He leads me to calm water. He gives me new strength. He leads me on paths that are right for the good of his name. Even if I walk through a very dark valley, I will not be afraid, because you are with me. Your rod and your walking stick comfort me. You prepare a meal for me in fromt of my enemies. You pour oil on my head; you fill my cup to overflowing. Surely goodness and love will be with me all my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever!!!"