Memories to last a lifetime

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Me and your daddy were up til 1:30am last night just talking about you. And I have been brewing this letter in my head all night. Even though you were only with us for 21 weeks we have so many memories of you. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with you, I couldn't believe it! I remember waiting for daddy to come home so I could tell him about you

I remember daddy's face when he heard the news

I remember telling your grandparents and aunts and uncles about you with this video mommy made. (You may want to pause the blog music before playing the video)

I remember the times I got morning sickness, but deep down I loved it, it was proof of your existence when I could hardly believe you were really in there.
And I remember telling all of our friends about you a few weeks later. Everyone was so excited you were coming.
I remember the day we went to the doctor for the first time and we heard your little heartbeat, you were only 10 weeks old and the doctor wasn't sure if we would be able to hear it or not since you were so young, but we did and it was the most amazing sound I will ever hear. This is us the morning before that appointment

I remember dancing with you at Uncle Kyle and Aunt Mindy's wedding

When Christmas came, you got lots of fun presents already, you even had your own stocking! Me and daddy loved to open the presents that were for you more than our own! This is your mommy and daddy at Christmas

I remember the first time I felt you flutter inside me. I remember the game we used to play when I would tap my fingers in my belly and wait for you to kick me back. I loved doing that with you. I remember the day daddy first felt you kick. You were a strong little boy. Did I ever tell you that I wanted you to be a boy? I did. I had this feeling you were going to be a mommy's boy.
You celebrated grandpa's 50th birthday with us, you even gave him a card. Here we are at the hotel where we celebrated

You've been to Florida with us. Daddy and Grandpa R. had to go to Orlando for a truck convention. I remember daddy and I walking all around Sea World looking for something we could buy for your first vacation suvioner. This is us in Florida.

I remember when I finally started to show! I was so excited, it was evidence of your growth. Here I am at 19 weeks, I was much bigger at 21 weeks. It is amazing how much I grew in just a couple weeks. I never took a more recent picture than this

I remember going to see your active little body on the ultrasound screen. We had waited for that day for along time. You looked so cute jumping around in there. We didn't know that you were a boy, we wanted to be surprised but we loved you so much already.

You even went to a Detroit Piston's basketball game with us and our friends Matt and Angie. We think you would have liked basketball, you had such long legs that I am sure you would have been a great player. Here are mommy and daddy at the game.
I remember the day you were born. February 29, 2008. I remember when the nurse brought you in the room and handed you over to daddy to hold. You were so handsome. We looked at you and kissed you over and over again. You were perfect.

I remember your memorial service. Pastor Andre talked about how much God loved you. And how you are safe in heaven now. I remember Daddy carring you out of the chapel and placing you in the ground. We each placed a shovel full of dirt over you and said goodbye for the last time.
Memories are all we have left. These memories will have to last us a lifetime. There are so many memories that we will miss out on. So much we will never know about you. What kinds of foods you would have liked? Your favorite sport? We will never get to hear your first word(I'm sure it would have been "mommy" :) or watch you take your first steps. We'll think of you on your birthdays, on the day you should have started school, and the year you would have graduated. We will wonder what you wanted to be when you grew up and how you would have changed our lives.
We will never forget you. We only held you in our arms for a little while but we will hold you in our hearts forever! You have changed my life! I love you baby.

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10 Responses to “ Memories to last a lifetime ”

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful letter. I cried reading it; I know it must have been incredibly hard (but probably also cathartic) to write it. Hold tight to your faith - God will bring you another baby when the time is right. Stay strong and know that there are lots of us (I don't even know you) pulling for you.

♥Mrs.D♥ said...

Your strength is amazing, and that letter is truly beautiful. God Bless you and your family!

Crystal said...

That was absolutely beautiful. You are such a strong woman and I am sure you will get through this. God bless.

Anonymous said...

Katie, I am in tears. What a beautiful letter. I so admire your strength and your faith in God, it's really inspiring.

Anonymous said...

Dear Katie & Rob,
Experiences like yours can either make you or break you as a couple. Thankfully your shared faith and dependence on God seems to be making you better. You will probably live your whole lives and teach your children to live with an excitement for that very real eternal home. That wisdom is going to be a blessing to people you touch (and have already touched). So many people are praying for God's healing touch in your life. May you sense His loving presence through all of those people He sends your way; but even when there are no people--through the promise of His Spirit within you both and closer than your own breath. Praying for you in Hamilton, Judy

Nicole said...

You're a beautiful woman. In this time of adversity, your strength and bravery have shown through. I am praying for you and the blessed information you'll receive at the seminar tomorrow. I miss you lots and think of you everyday. Please let me know if there's anything I can help you out with. I have Friday off if you need your house cleaned!!! :)
Love, Nicole B.

Kellie said...

Katie, I know this might sound odd but I want to thank you. You have given me so much inspiration and hope. It's only been a month for me since the passing of my twins, but I hope that I can be where you are two months from now (emotionaly, spiritualy,...) You seem to be doing well, considering, and I hope every day for things to continue on that path. God bless your family of three : )

Keren said...

That was such a beautiful post. You are a wonderful example of what a mother is and like the previous post said hold on tight to your faith because you will see your son again. Thank you for being such an inspiration and reminding me how precious life truly is.

Kahla said...

I found your post through Creme, I'm so sorry for your loss. You post is beautiful.

Brenna said...

What a beautiful post. Your photos really added to the poignancy of your story, which is one that some of us can relate to all too well. Thank you for sharing.