*Katie, As you go through this tough time in your life, what kinds of things do you find helpful from others around you?And what kind of things do people do or say that don't help you?
This one I have been thinking about for a long time, I want everybody to know that no matter what you have done or said, i do appreciate it no matter what.
But the things I find the most helpful are those who have brought meals when I didnt feel like cooking, sent cards to let me know that even though a few months have passed now, you are still thinking of me. Those who have spoken, left messages or sent emails of encouragement, I love that and need it to get me through everyday. Everybody who has shared in our pain and shared in our tears and most of all, those who have upheld us in prayer.
The stuff that doesnt help so much... I hesitate to write, but one thing that I still struggle with is when people tell me " it happened for a reason" i know this is true, but right now it is hard for me to understand that there would ever be a reason for my baby to die.
Another thing is when people act like nothing has ever happened and I can sense that they are avoiding talking about it to me. Not that i want to talk about it all the time, i dont, but when I bring it up and they change the subject that hurts. I know they just don't want to bring up anything that would cause me pain, but it hurts more when they dont acknowledge the pain I am dealing with inside.
*Katie- what is the one thing you look forward to everyday in life that gets you through the bad days?
ohh, that's a toughie. I guess i just look forward to the normal stuff in life, robb coming home from work, making dinner together, anything "normal" that can get my mind off of everything for awhile. I try to take just one day at a time and not dwell too much on the future, although as you all know i do look forward to the day i get my transplant, get off dialysis and of course, have a family. But since we dont know what even tomorrow brings i try to just focus on today.
*Two questions for you...A while back you posted pictures of you putting the nursery furniture together. Does that help you feel closer to Brenham, and help with the healing process? Also, I am not sure if I missed this, but has your family members been tested to see if they are a match for a kidney for you?
Really, the only reason we set up the furniture is b/c we wanted to make sure everything looked okay and we had all the right pieces instead of finding out a few years from now and not being able to do anything about it. But I do like having it in there, we put all of his stuff in the crib, his blankets and stuffed animals are in there. Sometimes robb and i go in there and stare in his empty crib, so yeah to answer your question it does help us feel closer to him, to picture his sweet little self sleeping in there. It helps.
My family has not done any further testing as of right now, we are waiting to make sure I get approved for a transplant before they take the time to test themselves.
*Katie, when you wake up in the morning what is your first thought. Is there a second of peace before you realize what your life is now?
I wish I had one of those answers that everyones responds to by saying, "you are so brave, and strong, what a positive attitude you have" I wish I could answer and say, "I feel very at peace and look forward to what the day will bring."
But to be honest, mornings are one of the worst parts of my day and my first thought is... "crap, this wasnt a bad, bad dream, this is for real, that all really did happen." Then it takes everything i have to force myself to sit up, put my feet on the floor, get up out of bed and face the day when all i really want to do is pull the covers up over my head and stay there all day.
*Here's a random but fun question (at least I think it's fun)! Where did you meet your husband and what did you do on your first date?
Robb and i first met on a mission trip to Virginia in 2001 with our high school church youth group. But it wasnt until a few weeks after the trip when he first called my house to ask me out, actually he by mistake asked out my younger sister first, he thought it was me on the phone! I was at the mall with my mom (shopping of course) when my sister called me and told me he had called our house. I was in Pottery Barn at the time and had to walk out and sit on a bench, I couldnt believe a senior called me, a 15 year old! ~ yeah that was a big deal.
Anyway later that night he called back and asked me out, I begged my mom to let me go on a date with him but since i was only 15 and not allowed to date yet we had to hang out at my parents house instead. But i still count it as a date. We watched the movie "Save the last Dance" on the floor in my parents basement (since we had just moved into that house, we had no furniture down there yet, and a storm had fried our t.v. upstairs) ~ so embarrassing! Anyway, we really hit it off and hung out occasionally at each others houses until I turned 16 a few months later. On our first official date we went to a local restaurant and to the County Fair Tractor Pull, not what a girl like me had dreamed of as a first "official" date, but i love him anyway!
Oh, funny story...on that first "date" when robb was about to leave he tried to kiss me but since my mom had told me "no kissing on the first date" i ran away, just as he was leaning in!! Poor Robb, denied on the first date!
*where is Brenham's grave?
Brenham is buried in Overisel Cemetery, just a couple miles from where we live. If you are familiar with the area, if you are heading east on the cemetery road, it is down the last driveway, about half way down. I am sure he would love a visit from anyone!
*So, my question... What was your favorite stuffed animal when you were a kid? Did it have a name?
I had a big white teddy bear that I slept with when I was little (and when I was a little older too :) and he probably had about a million names through-out his lifetime, ranging from teddy, fluffy, snuggly..yeah i was creative huh?
*If you weren't a hair stylist- what would you be?
hmm, good question, maybe an OB nurse?
* What is you favourite movie and actor/actress?
My favorite movie? theres lots, I love "13 going on 30", "The Notebook" and "How to lose a guy in 10 days" the most.
My favorite actress is Kate Hudson.
My favorite actor is Matthew Maconaughey...he's yummy! I thought about marrying him but his last name is too hard to spell. :) just kiddin... love ya robb!
Thank you all for your questions, they made me laugh, they made me cry, but I am glad i got the opportunity for all of you to get to know me a little better.
On another, more serious note, I have some discouraging news to share. On thursday after a crappy day already, robb came home from work and told me that my appointment on Wednesday was canceled. The doctor doesnt want me to continue any further with the testing until he can do more research on my case to make sure that my disease wont come back in a new kidney. We did reschedule the appointment in a couple weeks but i am just totally bummed.
2 hours ago