I wonder what it would be like to have a five week old baby at home. Would he be a good sleeper? Would he be mommy's boy or would he prefer his daddy? I will never know.
I wonder how it would feel to be starting my 3rd trimester this week. I wonder what my belly would look like right now if i was still pregnant.
You would think that after everything thats gone on this past week i would focus more on myself than on the loss of Brenham, but no. It is worse than ever. I miss him so much. I am such a mess right now, I cry over the craziest things: mud on my shoes, spilled water, my dog barking, robb yawning when i talk to him, when a baby magazine comes in the mail, having to return all my unworn maternity clothes. I am usually so tough. Now i have changed, in five weeks.
The kidney specialist we went to yesterday was great, he told it how it was. He had the same prognosis as the first doctor but was much more informative and gave us an hour and a half of his personal time to help us and answer our questions. One thing we didn't know was that i may have formed antibodies from the blood transfusions i got and they would reject a new kidney. GREAT. That would be the last thing i need. If that is the case i will be on dialysis for 5+ years. I will not know for sure for 6 more weeks until i get tested. That means we all have 6 weeks to be on our knees praying that i don't have antibodies.
A good thing we learned of is that Robb is also O positive blood type! That makes him a candidate as a possible donor! Ideally a family member would be a better option b/c then we share similar genes but at least we have a back up! Obviously there is more testing to be done on him, but it's a step in the right direction! Keep praying!
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