Friday, April 4, 2008

its been five weeks

I wonder what it would be like to have a five week old baby at home. Would he be a good sleeper? Would he be mommy's boy or would he prefer his daddy? I will never know.
I wonder how it would feel to be starting my 3rd trimester this week. I wonder what my belly would look like right now if i was still pregnant.
You would think that after everything thats gone on this past week i would focus more on myself than on the loss of Brenham, but no. It is worse than ever. I miss him so much. I am such a mess right now, I cry over the craziest things: mud on my shoes, spilled water, my dog barking, robb yawning when i talk to him, when a baby magazine comes in the mail, having to return all my unworn maternity clothes. I am usually so tough. Now i have changed, in five weeks.

The kidney specialist we went to yesterday was great, he told it how it was. He had the same prognosis as the first doctor but was much more informative and gave us an hour and a half of his personal time to help us and answer our questions. One thing we didn't know was that i may have formed antibodies from the blood transfusions i got and they would reject a new kidney. GREAT. That would be the last thing i need. If that is the case i will be on dialysis for 5+ years. I will not know for sure for 6 more weeks until i get tested. That means we all have 6 weeks to be on our knees praying that i don't have antibodies.
A good thing we learned of is that Robb is also O positive blood type! That makes him a candidate as a possible donor! Ideally a family member would be a better option b/c then we share similar genes but at least we have a back up! Obviously there is more testing to be done on him, but it's a step in the right direction! Keep praying!
Katie

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Katie Jo, you are so strong. You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I pray that peace and ease will find you soon.

Megan.10.06

Kloepping Photography said...

Katie Jo,

Keep your head up! God never gives you more than you can handle:) Although I'm sure it doesnt feel like that right now. You're faith is strong and so are you!

I have a number of transplant successes in my friends and church group (one multi viseral 5 organ whose hoping for a kidney this summer and 1 kidney transplant that is 5 years post transplant and doing great!)

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers!

Lindsay

Anonymous said...

You are strong - crying and being emotional doesn't mean you aren't strong. Strengh = staying hopeful and maintaining your faith in the face of life-changing news. It is perfectly normal for you to be going through this emotional rollercoaster, both because of the incredibly devastating events you've endured, and because your body is going through hormonal changes after the pregnancy. Be kind and patient with yourself.

I will be praying that you haven't formed antibodies and that you find a live donor who is a match for you.

Anonymous said...

I don't know you, but I suddenly feel like I do...like any of us could be you. Your faith in the Lord inspires me and encourages me. I will be praying for you and your family. I am so sorry you are having to endure so much.
I do not always understand God's plan, but I always believe that He has one for us, and in the end, this will all be worth it. I wish I could do something more tangible- like give you a kidney!! For now, all I can do is pray. I know you have a great support system, but if you ever need to talk or anything, feel free to email me at minderella173@yahoo.com

-Myndee

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18

CarrieLiz said...

Another nestie here. You're so inspiring and we're pulling for you KatieJo!!

The Klanderman Family said...

Katie, In the midst of an insomniac night...I'm praying for you.

At His feet, Amy

Alicia said...

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it! I know, its easier said than done, and I have no idea what you are feeling but I am so sorry for this loss. I dont even know you (found your blog through the nest), but I will praying for you! You are strong it sounds!